“I have slept beside the winter and the green is growing slow.” -Heather Nova

As winter gives way to spring and life blossoms forth into vivid hues, it is so easy to forget the beauty of winter’s glorious purpose. So too, the unceasing battering of waves will one day give way to the calmest ocean tide. In our craving the calm, we often forget the beauty of the battering. In truth, rocks are shaped into majesty, not in spite of the tide, but directly because of it.

I was 12 years old. My father lost his job in the mines and traded the Alabama winter for the West Virginia moon. We planned to finish the school year and venture northward to join him. The industry was steady in the Mountaineer State. Our lives were much the opposite back at home. With distance came much difficulty. We withered together. Darkness held us in its lonesome sway. Love became winter. Grace froze in its wake. Music became a gentle salve to my soul, for better and worse. 

We drove through the majesty of the Appalachian valleys, peering stoically outside the frigid backseat window, passing small towns and nameless strangers- my heart full of silent grievances. With the towering pines passing into the distance, sounds echoed from silence, from the recesses of my hormone-raging heart, Heather Nova’s invitation rang forth over the radio: “Walk this world with me.” The melancholy, psychedelic, yearning, alt-rock-meets-indie artist, desperate, pleading vulnerability of every lyric summoned my affections and awakened me from my dreary gaze. It was a brief respite from the battering of the angry ocean waves. Each chord and lyric resonated with the tug-of-war between my distress and longing. She knew the winter. She saw the spring. There was an admission of the cold and hope for color beyond the grey. The song remains virtually inseparable from the journey through those mountain passes. I wanted to be somewhere else, think about something different, and feel something better. I wanted to be someone else. 

That is the captivating beauty (and danger) of music. It unifies and harmonizes what we think and how we feel, who we are and who we crave to be. It is a faithful companion during the aching of our days. But what we think and what we feel does not necessarily define truth. And who we are and who we crave to be is not necessarily a good thing. For that matter, even Job’s friends were faithful companions. But they were miserable ones. As inseparable as they were to Job’s story, so too, for many of us, music is tethered to our experiences. 

Over 25 years removed, 13 years of marriage, five children of my own, over a decade teaching in public school and ministry, friends who have come and gone, so much has changed since those days. Metaphorical winters and springtimes have come and gone. Every obstacle produced new opportunities. Every opportunity offered a new obstacle. Yet there remained a song for every season. 

My journey is set to the soundtrack that offers it rhythm. When I was, where I was, how I was, and perhaps even why I was the way I was seemed so intricately tied to the serenading sway that accompanies my memories. As we press into this thought throughout this series of blogs, I want to share my tales, reflections, and meditations. This is not an invitation to perpetual wanderlust. Nor is it a summons to mindless nostalgia. Rather than embrace those tempting, fleeting, and distorted options, like Odysseus tying himself to the mast of the ship when the Sirens sing, I will cling tightly to another aim as we hug the shoreline, lest we dash our ship upon the rocks of the “glory days”.

My aim is simple. I want to win you to Christ. I want you to treasure Him. I want you to adore Him. I hope and pray that this will be a rendezvous to feast at the table of truth, to enjoy, grieve, bring into the light, examine, process, and grow from the disasters and triumphs, joys and sorrows of yesteryear… because I want you to blossom. 

On the whole, pretty much zero percent of my soundtrack will be appropriately PG. But it will be honest. The song to each post is not the aim, nor is it a promotion of the song and its values. The music is simply a colorful (or dark) gateway for the reader to understand my headspace at various moments in time. In turn, I pray that by understanding where I was, you will be drawn to a superior hope and grace.

Because of Jesus, to echo the words of Charles Spurgeon: “I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages.” In Christ, every microscopic detail of every single second of my past, present, and future has become (is, and will be) a platform for the glory of God. As God used the horrors of the cross to bless the world, He uses every winter and every wave to point us to an everlasting spring and an everlasting peace. In Christ, the best the winter and waves can do is prune us and weather us into fearless and wise children who testify to the frailty of man and the faithfulness of God’s sustaining grace. Through every season and every storm, we have an enduring and everlasting Anchor that holds, one who is never fleeting and one that will never fail. 

Ultimately, our family ended up staying in Alabama. Dad moved back home. Our family remained intact, but we were all changed. We emerged worn and war-torn, threadbare and rusted. Heather Nova never came knocking at my door. Time passed by and the winter was long. But the long season served its glorious purpose. The green was growing slowly. The cold nights to come left me barren enough to hear the humble whisper of a Higher voice. The call sounded similar, yet certain and gentle: “Walk this world with me.” The call of Christ was not only temporal but reached beyond the distance of my days and into eternity. With His call, my holding on and on to what I believed was not in spite of the light in my eyes, but because the Light of the World had opened them for the first time. 

Do you have pain and hurt? Do you have indestructible joy? Do you have unspeakable sorrow? Do you have hope undeniable? Do you have an unimaginable loss? Is your winter cold? Are you tossed by the waves? Take my hand, friend. Come with me on this journey. Walk the world with me. Let me introduce you to the Everlasting King and Friend who is worthy of following. May we learn to treasure Christ together deeper as we sing a new song. 

… for your progress and joy in the faith.